5 Things I Thought I'd Achieve By 25
Does anyone else feel a sense of panic for their next approaching Birthday & the daunting aspect of aging another year but feeling like you've achieved the minimal? I'm pretty sure aging is a terrifying prospect because being 'young' & 'carefree' is such a desirable thing & responsibilities are pretty much non existent. I feel we live in a society that sets almost like targets for each age milestone & what we should have set in place by that point in our lives. But reality is.. everyone's circumstances & goals are very much unique & individual & therefore no one's going to have their lives planned out like the next person.
I felt hitting 25, my mid twenties meant I should really have my shit together & let's be honest, that's far from reality. I remember as a little girl thinking at 25 I would most certainly be married, considering my first child & holding down a pretty comfortable career. But as I grew up I picked one of the hardest careers to develop & I completely struggled with commitment & social aspects of my life to even consider a relationship.. so that's marriage thrown out of the water. & children?.. I can't even keep a plant alive let alone a small human being..
1. A Successful Career Gal;
This point honestly makes me laugh, & not cute giggling laugh but a honestly gross snorting laugh. When I was younger I went through so, so, soooo many different career ideas just because I liked one or two positive points about them- not because I had my little heart set on them. I remember wanting to be a vet because I adore animals, I'd get to pet & cuddle all different kinds of animals every single day- forgetting one of the major flaws that animals will most likely die in my arms or I would be the person initiating the lethal injection when their time was up.
I went through a stage of wanting to be a teacher, primary school of course because little kids are way less harder to handle than secondary school students, right? I wanted to be a teacher only because.. I could write on the whiteboards with those funky pens. Yep. That was my only reason pretty much. & because I would be able to sit in those cosy staff rooms with home-made cake & coffee on tap.. This was obviously not my calling in life.
Then I hit my mid teens & I decided to embark on one of the hardest careers known to man, why? I have no bloody clue. All I can think is that I adore being centre stages, all eyes on me & performing my socks off. So why not become an actress? Perfect! I'll get a diploma in Musical Theatre & then get multiple kicks in the teeth from constant rejection. But hey.. I still friggin' love what I do & when I get an opportunity, my GOD.. it feels absolutely epic & you know all that hard work has paid off. So, at 25 no.. I do not have a stable career as I had imagine over 10 years ago. In fact, I am far from a concrete career seeing as I've had over 23 jobs (& that's not including acting work) because I have to take off at any minute & therefore I can't commit to a long term job. For now, I'm temping to keep the money situation a float, whilst cracking on with auditions as often as possible. Oh little old me, you would be horrified!
2. A Homeowner Honey;
Another one to ugly snort at. Of course I would have been able to afford to buy a house at 25 & of course it would have been in London.. LOL. I have no idea what was running through my brain when I concocted this bull shit because I clearly had done zilch research into the housing market & mortgages etc. Basically all the boring adult stuff that a young teen would have been so naive & oblivious to. I don't think it even occurred to me the reality of how much money you have to save before you can even consider putting down any deposits?! Sure, save that Birthday/Christmas money for a couple of years & you're there babe.. NOT.
Our home is the biggest investment we will ever take on & as a 25 year old living in 2018 it is still totally acceptable to be renting a room out in your parent's house. I don't have plans to stay here permanently but for a young girl trying her best to stop splurging on clothes & pointless shit & save for a deposit, it's perfect for the now.
& as for renting in London, I couldn't even imagine forking out the cost to live in the big smoke on the wage I earn. It's an incredible goal to be able to afford a place in the city but as I switch up on jobs so often & have no regular sturdy salary, I would never survive there.. EVER. But for a young imaginative school girl, this goal was super easy to achieve until a few years down the line reality was a bit of a slap in the face!
I've been incredibly lucky to experience moving out & living with a friend on a very low salary, meaning I couldn't afford luxuries & sometimes I struggled to even pay for food, but I loved having my independence. The beauty of being able to move back to my Mum's after experiencing a taste of adult life is that I now have complete respect for anyone paying bills/rent & still being able to make a house a home as it's super expensive these days. It also means I have a realistic view on how much I now need to save in order to put down a deposit for a place, have a bit of spare money for furniture & of course a bit in the kitty for those first initial bills before payday.
3. Handling My Drink;
Yep. I still can't handle my drink after many years of partying & getting intoxicated.. I just can't handle it. I'm not usually a drinker, I don't like the taste of alcohol & quite often I drive places so therefore wont even touch the stuff, not even one. So, as soon as I get a waft of alcohol on a night out or at some pre-drinks it hits me like a ton of bricks & I become very drunk, very quickly. I don't think my body can handle the substance to be honest & quite frequently I just seem to drink like a fish until my stomach is churning & crying out for water & of course some loaded cheesy chips.
So, the once in a blue moon scenario where I hit the town with my friends is quite often the reminder of why I don't like to drink too often because I overload myself with the substance & feel hungover for a week. It's absolutely horrendous! There we have it. I'm 25 years of age & I can't handle my alcohol.
4. Engaged & Committed;
This was always a dream of mine, that I would graduate from secondary school, attend collage, meet some dreamy hunk & become head over in heels in love at sweet 16. I'm pretty content now that this wasn't the case to be honest & that I spent my teens single & independent as for me personally this was the best scenario for me, meaning I could focus on myself & my career. But then saying that, I know several gals & guys from school who fell in love from an early age & are still smitten with their beloved to this very day, it works for everyone in different ways.
At 23 I fell in love & I feel that I can appreciate that special person a lot more after spending many years all by myself, learning to love & respect me first before finding someone to share that with. I feel that I experienced the highs & lows of relationships from playing agony Aunt to my friends, which is a role I will always hold & love to play. I love dishing out advice & helping to resolve tricky situations, I feel it's one of my strengths but then my weakness is taking my own advice. I am the worst at that!
I would love to bare a big old engagement rock on my finger right now but I know that is far too soon into my relationship to consider such commitment. Growing up, I was pretty selfish at commitment & I never wanted to submit myself to such a thing. I was happy, single & doing exactly what I want to do without worrying about another person in the picture. I was also terrified of boys. They terrified me, even though I loved being friends with them, I couldn't imagine taking that friendship any further. & the thought of sex? Oh my GOD, not a chance. The thought of someone seeing me vulnerable & naked was beyond a fear of mine, I even thought about if it was possible to keep your clothes on when it did come to the time to pop my cherry. I've come a very long way from the love shy scamp I once was & I feel being in a supportive, loving relationship has pushed my self confidence to the fullest. Be confident people, you are fucking beautiful no matter what.
5. Becoming A Mother;
I certainly never realized that at 25 I'd still consider myself a teenager, even though I've skipped waaaay past that milestone. I'm horrendously broody & pretty much always craving baby cuddles, however I am in no way ready to become a mother even though I'd foreseen 25 being the perfect age to begin baby making. Not a chance! There are some girls who are born maternal & who make cracking mothers from a young age (& guys also who are perfect fathers from the get go), that is most definitely not me as I can barely keep my shrubs alive let alone a baby. I would adore to become a mother at some point in my life, in fact I want at least 4 children as I couldn't think of anything better than having a huge family but I most certainly haven't reached that point in my life just yet.
To a child 25 is an old age, trust me I was brutalized by the children I used to Nanny for being 'old' in my mid twenties but now that I've reached that age I know that I'm still too young for many commitments. I feel there's a lot more I want to achieve whilst I'm not tied down by any responsibilities & having a child who depends on you is pretty much the biggest responsibility known to man. So yeah, it's not for me right now. Until I'm in a stable environment with a regular in come & my own roof over my head I will not be stopping my contraceptive pill any time soon.
But then saying that, hats off to the gals & guys who are raising their little ones at a young age. I have no idea how you do it but you should be bloody proud of yourself! When I get home from work all I want to do is bake a shit ton of beans on toast & rott in my bed whilst binging on Netflix. However, there is no such luxury when you have children & I couldn't imagine summering up the energy to entertain a toddler/infant after an 8 hour shift when your bed just looks far too inviting. For me, I hope one day it'll happen but not just yet!
So there we have it- 5 Things I Thought I'd Achieve By 25 and the reality of those 5 things being achieved. Age to me is just a number & when a person hits that number in their life it doesn't matter what their circumstances are because every body has planned their lives uniquely. It does become fearful at times seeing someone the same age of me being so successful & seeing their life come together much smoother than mine, but that doesn't mean I should be doing the same. It's a work in progress & each day is just a step forward to getting my shit together & working my life out.
Jeans- Monki T-shirt- Topshop Blazer- Pull&Bear